Folkestone & Hythe District Council Unveils New Corporate Plan: “Third Time Lucky… Right?”

In a move that has left residents both hopeful and mildly amused (like watching a toddler attempt to parallel park), Folkestone & Hythe District Council has unveiled its shiny new Corporate Plan (CP) 2025-2030. This document, described as the Council’s “blueprint for our towns, villages, and communities,” is essentially a to-do list for the district—but instead of scribbled reminders like “buy milk,” it’s packed with lofty goals like “revitalize the entire coastline.” Because, you know, why start small when you can aim for the moon and land in a puddle?

The CP promises economic growth, infrastructure upgrades, and better services. It’s the Council’s way of saying, “We’ve got big plans, folks!” But before we get too excited, let’s take a quick trip down memory lane to the Corporate Action Plan 2021 – 24 Creating Tomorrow Together. Spoiler alert: it didn’t. Much like a New Year’s resolution to hit the gym, it started with good intentions but ended up collecting dust next to that unused treadmill.

The Health Centre That Time Forgot

One of the standout failures of the last plan was the FOLCA health centre project. The timeline was clear: finalize Heads of Terms by September 2021, secure planning permission by September 2022, and complete construction by December 2024. Spoiler alert: none of that happened. The health centre remains as elusive as a sunny British bank holiday. Ewan Green, the Director of Place (pictured), was tasked with driving this initiative. While we’re sure he tried his best, the project’s progress has been slower than a snail on a leisurely stroll—or, more accurately, a snail stuck in traffic on the M20, no doubt due to Operation Brock.

The Coastal Destination Project: A Vision Lost at Sea

Then there’s the Romney Marsh Coastal Regeneration Project at Greatstone, which was supposed to transform the area into a bustling coastal hub. Imagine 100 beach chalets, a café, public toilets (including a Changing Places facility), watersports, and even educational signage. Sounds dreamy, right? Well, it’s still just a dream. The project remains firmly in the “unrealised” column, leaving residents to wonder if the Council’s idea of a “coastal destination” is just a really nice postcard they forgot to mail.

Ship Street Regeneration: Stuck in Dry Dock

The Ship Street Regeneration project, aimed at revitalizing the area with community and housing benefits, has also hit choppy waters. Planning permission was supposed to be secured by December 2022, but here we are, still waiting. Ewan Green and Andy Blaszkowicz (Director of Housing & Operations) are the dynamic duo behind this effort, but even Batman and Robin would struggle with these delays. At this point, the only thing being regenerated is the Council’s ability to miss deadlines.

A Pattern or Just Bad Luck?

As the saying goes, “Once is a mistake, twice is a pattern, three times is a habit.” And let’s just say the Council is developing quite the habit. But fear not! The new Corporate Plan 2025-2030  is here to save the day. This time, the Council promises inclusivity, transparency, and—wait for it—an actual action plan. Yes, you read that right. The document boldly states: “We’ve produced an action plan.” Groundbreaking stuff. Truly, the bar is so low it’s practically a tripping hazard in hell.

The Council also pledges to monitor progress and report to residents every six months. However, eagle-eyed observers have noted that the action plan (read timetable of deadlines) is conspicuously absent from the documents available for discussion at the upcoming Extraordinary Meeting of the Cabinet on the 20 March. This has raised a few eyebrows, with residents wondering if the Council’s idea of transparency is just crossing their fingers and hoping for the best—or maybe they’re just really into improvised comedy.

A Call to Action (Plan)

If the Council wants to rebuild trust with its residents, it’s going to need more than just lofty promises and a well-designed PDF. It needs to deliver on its commitments, starting with publishing a clear, actionable, and time-bound plan. After all, a plan without action is just a wish list—and Folkestone & Hythe residents deserve more than wishful thinking from the Council. They deserve results, or at the very least, a decent explanation for why those three miles of coastline have gone missing.

Speaking of which, the new CP 2025-2030 claims there are 23 miles of beaches and cliffs. Last time we checked, the District boasted 26 miles of coastline. So, the big question is: who’s been hoarding those 3 miles? Did they get lost in a sandcastle dispute? Or maybe the tide just decided to take a little extra for itself—talk about a high tide with sticky fingers! If anyone spots those missing miles, let us know—we’ll send out a search party armed with a map, a compass, and a sense of direction that’s slightly better than the Council’s GPS (which, let’s be honest, probably thinks north is wherever the nearest coffee shop or ice cream van is).

So there you have it: three projects still languishing in the to-do tray, three miles mysteriously vanished, but hey—maybe, just maybe, third time lucky. Or, at the very least, the third time will be luck’s distant cousin who shows up late to the party with a half-eaten bag of chips – the other half stolen by seagulls. Fingers crossed, folks. After all, hope springs eternal—unlike the Council’s deadlines.

The Shepway Vox Team

Dissent is NOT a Crime