The Outcome – From Bus Stops to Botanicals: Council’s Bold Park Plan

Application Number 24-1650-FH: Bus Station, Bouverie Square, Folkestone. Heard by planning committee: 18 March, 2025.

In a riveting display of democracy in action, Folkestone’s Planning Committee convened this week to debate Proposal 24/1650/FH: the transformation of Bouverie Square’s bus station into a park. The meeting, which oscillated between earnest urban idealism and the bureaucratic equivalent of herding cats, culminated in a resounding “Why not?” from councillors.

The plan, dubbed “Bouverie Botanic Gardens (Bus Stop Adjacent),” promises to replace the current asphalt-and-exhaust aesthetic with grass, trees, and a playground mysteriously illustrated as a “blue blob” (later clarified to “not a paddling pool, but feel free to pretend”). Officers assured councillors the redesign would “prioritize pedestrians, provided they don’t mind dodging buses relocated to Narnia.”

Local resident Ms. Feingbeek bravely stepped forward, brandishing a map she’d circulated to all councillors (“It’s somewhere between a Picasso and a Tube map”). Her concerns? Relocating bus stops to “the top of the road, Middleburg Square, or possibly the moon.” Officers swiftly clarified that bus logistics were “someone else’s problem” (Kent County Council’s, to be exact), as the application only covered “the fun part with grass.”

Councillor Jennifer Hollingsbee praised the visuals (“They’re excellent… if you ignore the buses”) while questioning Stagecoach’s conflicting support (“They love it, except when they hate it”). A tense moment arose when antisocial behavior was raised, swiftly neutralized by the promise of CCTV (“Because nothing says ‘community’ like 24/7 surveillance”).

The debate, the abridged version:

• Councillor Mike Blakemore hailed the scheme as “a triumph of hope over bus schedules,” applauding the return of green space (“Take that, concrete!”).
• Councillor Nicola Keen countered, warning of “Russian roulette for children alighting buses” and lamenting the cart-before-horse logic of “building a park before figuring out where buses go.”
• Councillor Rebecca Shoob waxed poetic about “humane, biodiverse utopias,” though she admitted the renderings “could use more unicorns.”

Officer Llywelyn Lloyd dazzled with jargon, assuring all that pedestrians would enjoy “flush surfaces” (not a toilet reference) and “priority over cars, assuming cars obey the shiny new signs.”

After 45 minutes of circular debate, the motion passed 11–0–1 (“Abstention? I was googling ‘what’s a bus?’”). The committee celebrated by metaphorically planting a tree in their minds, while Stagecoach quietly updated their “Places to Avoid” list.

---

Epilogue: What’s Next?
Residents can look forward to:

• A park completed by…, or whenever the buses decide to stop.
• Tactile paving (“For the visually impaired… and TikTok dancers”).
• A playground that’s definitely not a pool (“But we’ll judge your splash pad”).

As Councillor Jackie Meade adjourned the meeting, she reminded all: “This isn’t just a park—it’s a symbol. Of something. Probably.”

Folkestone’s new green oasis: Coming soon(ish), with or without buses. 🌳🚌💨

---

Satire Disclaimer: No councillors were harmed in the making of this article. Bus stops, however, remain emotionally scarred.

The Shepway Vox Team

Not owned by Hedgefunds or Barons